I’ve always been a firm believer in this. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen when we want it, but that’s the nature of karma.
This morning, I saw the Universe in action, and I’ve rarely been so thrilled.
K3 (we got a lot of Ks in my office!) is actually a former colleague – she came to us a couple of years ago from
Unfortunately, the GFC saw said dream job get scrapped, and she had to support them both. Which was tough, but she was managing.
Then he managed to get a job, but on one of the tourist islands, which meant him living away from her. And that too was tough, being apart from him. She was managing that, too, until she started to get some nasty surprises.
Debt collectors chasing him. For a shitload of money. Proof he’d been continuing not one but several affairs, after swearing to her that she was the only one. And after proposing to her. All kinds of really horrifying information that he’d been keeping from her by virtue of being home all day and intercepting the mail and the phone calls.
Fast forward a bit, and she’s left our office to work at a better paying job elsewhere in Bris-Vegas – luckily, only just around the corner, so she and I can still get together for coffee. She calls me to have coffee one day, and tells me the engagement’s off – she’s decided that he really isn’t the man she thought he was, and faced with the proof of his lies and deceptions, she’s got no intention of marrying him.
Which broke my heart a little bit for her – she’s such a lovely person, and she deserves better than that. Still, I supported her and we had long conversations while she sorted out her feelings.
She decided to leave the house they were renting together, sent him an official notice that she was terminating the lease, and she’d leave his stuff packed up in the garage for him to collect. She wanted nothing more to do with him.
He had other ideas. He had turned on the passive aggressive manipulation to the max, calling her incessantly, pleading with her to take him back, threatening to commit suicide if she wouldn’t see him, the whole works.
Then he started calling her friends and this is where it got creepy. He called the wife of one her male friends and told the woman K3 was having an affair with her husband. She wasn’t, but she had recently had a call from this man who’d heard through mutual friends about the relationship break up and was checking in to make sure she was okay.
This kind of thing started happening more frequently – she’d mention a male name in a conversation with someone, only to have the ex throw that name in her face as someone she was having a affair with. She began to wonder how he was getting this information, and started to be very paranoid about who she told things to. Plus, people started asking her about emails she’d sent them . . . that she didn’t even remember sending.
She arranged a new apartment for herself, and moved in. Told only a handful of people where it was, and of course, she was in contact with the real estate agent by email. Moved in, congratulating herself about finally being safe from him . . . only to have him turn up at her door a week later.
Luckily, it’s a secure building, and all he could do was ring the entrance buzzer but it still freaked her out. She called the police, because even though she’d changed her phone number he was still calling her constantly, and now turning up at her door. They told her because he’d not actually harmed her, they couldn’t do anything. Which I think has to be a crock, because surely this is harassment?
She gets seriously paranoid now, because there’s no way he should know where she is. First, it turns out that the real estate agent of her old place (with him) gave him her new address – she threatened them with legal action, because they had no right to do so. Particularly since she’d had someone from the women’s legal aid office with her as an advocate when she’d explained why she was breaking the lease.
Then she started to have issues with her computer and that’s when it got really interesting – turns out, he had all kinds of spyware on her computer, including the ability to remote access it.
He was monitoring everything she did online – all her emails, the websites she went to, the works. He even had spyware that allowed him to tap into her cellphone conversations. Plus he was able to send emails from her inbox, which explained the weird emails people were getting. He was sending them, trying to stir up more shit about her supposed affairs – classic passive aggressive manipulation, that one. Always accuse your partner of what it is you’re actually up to.
She got all of that shit scrubbed quick smart, had to have the entire computer rebuilt, even buy a new modem cos they couldn’t guarantee he didn’t have something on that. In the end, she decided to buy a completely new one, just because she didn’t trust that he might not have some way of again remotely accessing the computer, and figured that one he’d not even touched would be safer.
Fast forward again. She’s decided she’s had enough and is going to home to
At that point, I asked her about the beautiful diamond engagement ring he'd given her - suggested she sell that sucker and get some of her money back. Turns out it was a fake. She'd apparently always been diverted every time she'd gone to get a valuation on it, so her insurance would cover it - guess someone didn't want her to know that he was a lying scumbag. And she told me she'd stuck it in one of the boxes of his crap and didn't care what he did with it.
And then he launched another all-out offensive, with the phone calls every five minutes and she just gave up. Said fuck it, she was quitting her job and moving home, even if she was unemployed for a bit. She’s got some leave owing on her current job, and because she’s rent-free when she gets there, she could manage for a little bit until she could pick up a temping gig.
She called me on the weekend, stressed and at the end of her rope, in tears at the wreck of her life. She hated breaking another lease, hated quitting her job (even if it wasn’t a job she loved), hated that he’d driven her to this point. She’d been for a job interview back in
I reminded her as gently as I could that the one thing this prick could never take from her was her expertise and knowledge, and that once she wasn’t in “flight or fight” mode and could take a deep breath, she’d realise that. And that maybe she hadn’t blown this interview as badly as she thought.
We had a long conversation, and she eventually calmed down and started feeling more positive. And I again thought how lucky she was that she’d ended up away from this guy – God forbid she’d ended up married to him, shackled to his debts, him cheating on her and watching her every move.
We made plans to get together today so I could see her before she left – she wasn’t letting the grass grow under her feet this time, she had already booked the movers for next Monday, and I’m only in the city three days a week. I texted her to let her know I was arriving by train and we were meeting at her building before work. When I looked at my cellphone, I saw a missed call from her the afternoon before and hoped it wasn’t bad news.
But from the smile I got when I saw her, I knew it wasn’t. The Universe had come good for her.
She got the job – the one she thought she’d flubbed the interview for. They’d called her to tell her yesterday – it’s working in her field, with people she knows and has worked with before. It’s located ten minutes from where she grew up, in an area she loves, close to her mum, and an easy commute from her friend’s house.
She starts in a few weeks, so she’s got plenty of time to get down there and get settled first, and in fact, she’s going to have a bit of time where she’s earning from both jobs, because her leave payments won’t run out til after that. So she’s got a chance to get a little money in the bank as well, right up front.
Even better, someone’s applied to take the lease on her current apartment, so she hopefully won’t have to keep paying rent on that while it sits vacant.
I’m going to miss her like crazy, even if I know that she’s going back to a better network of friends and family to support her. And her ex isn’t likely to go down there to physically stalk her, because he’s wanted by the cops in that state. He can try the phone harassment thing, but since there’s going to be someone in the house with her, who can listen in to his calls and make statements to the police, he might find himself quickly on the receiving end of a restraining order.
Plus, I’ve pointed out to her that, even though his sister managed to make a “hardship” case in relation to his debt to the tax office (the poor, poor baby –gags-), there’s no way that debt’s going to be forgiven and he’ll have to be paying it off. A quick phone call to them to let them know how much money he’s clearing each week in his new job (which he unwisely let slip, possibly hoping it would persuade her to take him back as a cash cow) could bring investigators down on his ass and take a substantial chunk of his ready cash every week. Leaving him much less to spend harassing her! Karma can be such a bitch ;-)
So there were a few tears this morning, and lots of hugs, and plenty of smiles. I am really happy for her, even if selfishly I’m going to miss having her here with me. We are going to stay in touch, and as she points out, where she’s living isn’t that far from where Panth is, so maybe someday I can swing a trip down south and see two of my favourite people at the same time.
And this year, at least, every day I’ll think of her as I tear off a new leaf in my Women of Wit calendar.
Safe travels, babe, and good luck!