Let's try this another way . . .
I wasn't going to. I mean lots of folks have had their say already. But then I watched it for the third time and realised that I was robbing the world (according to LJ anyway) of my unique world view.
Now, this screencap is courtesy of the amazing goodieukover at wrestling_caps- read on under the cut and you'll see why it's important!
So here it is.
Much love for Matty winning the ECW championship, though I would have been just as happy to see Chavo or Finlay take it from Mark Henry (the Miz can piss up a rope for all I care . . . although I gotta say, him and Morrison doing Finlay's brothers last week on the Dirt Sheet was some funny shit!).
So long as the tub 'o' lard was no longer champ, I was gonna be happy. They can toss away the extension to the belt now -snickerfits- It's still an ugly fuckin' title though - part of me is glad my Big Red God retired the sexy red and gold one that looked so fuckin' good around his waist.
More love for seeing Matty and Jeffro backstage after the win - awwww, that was brilliant! Gotta say it though, Jeff got all the looks in that family. Matty's cute, but Jeff's fuckin' smokin' ! And how hot is that tattoo, now it goes all the way over his fingers? Soooo sexy!
Tag team match - meh. I guess it was interesting - sorry, I really can't get into tag matches at the moment.
Had myself a little giggle over Priceless (and what kind of stupid fuckin' name is that, anyway?) - I swear, I thought that Cody's tights read "Property of (something)"!! Made me giggle over the slashiness of it, anyway. And what is it with Cody's mouth? It kinda looks like he's got no tongue or teeth or something - frankly, it freaks me out a bit.
I do think they're onto an interesting idea around this stable of 2nd generation wrestlers, perhaps with Orton as the leader? His own little version of Evolution . . . Ric Flair'd probably want to take him out the back of the woodshed for an ass whuppin' over the way he's acting though -grins-
HBK vs Jericho went about how I expected it to - complete slobberknocker. HBK looked hot as fuck in his jeans and wifebeater - Chris obviously missed the memo that said that an unsanctioned match was as good as a street fight and not to bother getting into his wrestling tights. Although if he had got the memo, I wouldn't have had the giggle over his trunks saying "Save me" on his ass!
That bit at the end, when HBK had him down with the belt around his fist and was whalin' on him? I had the sneaking suspicion HBK was goin' for a hardway on his eyebrow and couldn't pull it off. Must have hurt like a muthafucka while he gave it the good ol' college try!!
And how good was Shawn's post-match reaction, where he was kneeling in the ring, his face working - he spoke volumes without saying a word.
The Smackdown scramble - look, let me go on record here and say I think that the format's a winner. Not all the time, perhaps just one PPV a year, but they were fast paced exciting matches and really gave the guys a chance to showcase their abilities.
The Smackdown scramble - Jeffy fought one hell of a match, and it proved to me he's championship material. Of course, that wouldn't be hard!
Now, about The Jacket . . . I mean, The Brian Kendrick. First off, whose lame fuckin' idea was it to call him "The"? It's just stupid - please cease and desist, or I may be forced to hurt someone.
Second, take a memo to the creative team - that whole "dancing while Ezekial undresses him" routine? IS. SO. FUCKING. GAY. And not in a hot and slashy way. It's just fuckin' sad - it makes him look like a demented fairy. Likewise, cease and desist. Although . . . I'll come back to that in a minute.
-snickers- Um, while we're on the subject of The Jacket (and no, I wasn't impressed by the fact that he has a new Jacket, and this one at least doesn't look like it's three sizes too big for him) - take a memo to Wardrobe. Those short tighty whities? Made The Jacket look like he was wearing a diaper. I swear, when he stared dancing around in the ring in them, all I could think of was Stewie from Family Guy . . . only without the plans for world domination and the smart mouth.
The Jacket actually being an interim champion was a travesty - I still don't get why he's getting such a push. Yes, he's got wrestling talent, but so have dozens of other guys who are languishing without TV time. And The Jacket, despite the new "hip" moniker and the wardrobe, is a long way from being a main eventer. The fact that he got a main event on Smackdown while they wasted a Jeff Hardy match mid-card still baffles me.
And trust me, HBK's got nothing to worry about with TBK - he's a pale pale pale imitation at best. Cheap knock-off more like. HBK never looked so gay dancing, and he's sexy - TBK is just . . . ugh. Cute in a slashy way, but please?
My favourite moment of this match? The Jacket had just interrupted MVP with an impressive drop kick to the face, and was dancing around like a demented fairy at how good he was . . . right up until Jeff clocked him over the back of the head from behind. First rule of wrestling, boy - save the celebrating of your own cleverness for after the bell. But that wasn't the best part - then Jeff did a little demented fairy dancing of his own, mocking The Jacket!! I about peed myself laughing!
Um, that's Jeff doing the demented fairy dance of mock up there - FTMFW, as rkowhore79</lj>would say!
I also loved how The Jacket became the crash test dummy once Trips hit the ring Two Pedigrees and a Swanton from Jeff? Ouch!
How cool was it that Jeff managed to not only fight out of a Pedigree, but then tossed Trips out of the ring? I can't actually imagine Trips agreeing to that for many guys, nor the winning by one second thing. Jeff is being groomed for the top spot - I will stake my reputation, such as it is, on this. It doesn't hurt him to have the top guy behind him.
I think the bit after the match showed that - Trips actually called to Jeff by name, beckoning him over. And while Jeff was showing what a gentleman he is by congratulating Trips on the win, Trips was motioning how close the victory had been. Seeing them shake hands - truly priceless.
In fact, apart from Jeff not winning, the only other thing that match lacked was seeing Jeff strip off the wifebeater! ;-)
Okay, I didn't get the point of the backstage beatdown on Punk, unless it was to make the point that the second generation stable are gonna be big bad muthfuckas.
Punk was robbed, pure and simple. I'd love to know if there was a reason for it, like an injury or something they weren't letting on about. But it sucks that he didn't get a chance to at least lose the championship in a match.
Then I think there was a Divas match - puh-leese, like I'm gonna watch that shit. Two ironing boards with tits, and lots of screaming, hair-pulling and ersatz wrestling. I'll watch Divas matches when they ditch that fuckin' Barbie belt and give a title shot to someone who can actually wrestle, thanks all the same.
Oh yeah, and then we came to the Big Show and 'Taker fiasco.
First, let me start out by saying, Show's a cool guy. I love how he always looks happy at work. The other week, on Smackdown, when he came down to the ring and laid waste to every man and his dog? And then said, "About that - my bad. Ooops? It was . . . an oversight." That was fuckin' classic.
Now, having said that, if for some reason (and it's this reason that has me stumped) you want to get heat on this guy - how the fuck do you do it? Everyone loves him! But then, even though he's a deep dark undead monster, everybody fuckin' adores the Undertaker. So, process of deduction, you pit Show against 'Taker and you get instant heat.
Teaming him up with Vicki? Totally never saw that coming - kudos for the surprise factor on that. Was it creepy, hearing Show say to Vicki, "Slap him, baby"? Fuck, yes!
(Totally unrelated tangent - I have an OC currently paired up with Kane, and there's been some discussion about how someone as big as Kane can accomplish intimate relations with a woman he's almost two feet taller than, and outweighs by some 200lbs. Seeing Vicki and Show walk out together, creepy as it was, I began to have a greater understanding of the . . . logistical issues. Yay for visual aids, disturbing as they were!)
'Taker looked sexy as fuck, but then he always does. He took the beating of a lifetime at Show's hands, which I guess was the point of the thing. There's not many guys can make 'Taker look small, but Show accomplished that quite nicely.
But oh man, is Vicki racking up a bill she's gonna have trouble paying when it comes due, in terms of what she's doing to 'Taker? A face slap was bad enough, but man, spitting in his face? That bitch is in for a world of hurt! Creative team - please take note. If the heel never has to deal with any consequences of their actions, it's no fun any more. We're baying for Vicki's blood - give it to us, damn it!
One last word - 'Taker's ass is damn fine! I'm of two minds whether it's better than Kane's, but it's a close contest!
Which brings me to the Raw scramble. The first five minutes were much of the "Yay! Batista! Oh yuck, Jelly Belly Lardass." Then my Big Red God hit the ring and I was a happy fuckin' fanbrat!
My God, Kane's definitely been working out - his abs are much more defined lately, and oh baby, when he moves? Cue much whimpering at the way those muscles work under his gloriously beautiful skin. I swear, the man makes me almost orgasm just looking at him!!
I didn't really notice much else, except how he was interim champion for longer than anyone else all night - gotta love a man with . . . staying power ;-)
Oh wait, there are some little snippets - what the fuck was with Rey's weird Sparta headdress thing on his mask? And how surprised was I when he turned on Batista? Man, Dave going feral as a heel is gonna be sweet!
I also loved how JBL hadda lay down for Kane - man, that was sweet too!
Confession time - when they target the leg Kane wears his knee brace on, I wince every fucking time. I worry about him getting hurt. Sad, huh?
I don't get why Jericho subbed for Punk, but that did provoke another chuckle - when he came out to the ring, I'm sure he was going for a "look at how beat up I am" kinda thing. To me, it looked more like . . . well, like he rides the short bus, yanno? -mad snickerfits-
And how fuckin' funny was it how they kept saying Jericho "snuck in the back door"?? Although, I gotta say, when they said he did it "with no effort", I was a bit offended at the implied slur on Kane's back door!! I refuse to believe an ass that sexy isn't tight as a drum inside and out!
Yes, I'm aware that's terribly crass and I don't usually slash my beloved Kane, but damnit, it's the principle of the thing!!
Okay, so that's my view. To be taken with grains of salt and a sense of humour, please.
In summary, Jeff, Kane and 'Taker are sexy fuckin' beasts, and I would like all three of them gift wrapped and under my tree this Christmas. I will also take Trips, if he happens to be going spare. Punk, too. Anyone who gets me The Jacket will be in a world of hurt. Just sayin'. ;-)